It's been a wild month. The last few weeks of camp, chemo for my dad, a trip to the beach, the start of 1st Grade for Sierra and soon, the start of Pre-Kindergarten for Chase.
I think the kids enjoyed camp this summer. They learned to play with new friends, did a ton of art projects and just enjoyed the summer as much as they could. Both Sierra and Chase took swim lessons and they are pretty confident swimmers these days. I'm hoping swim team is in our future, so we just need to work on swimming the entire length of the pool.
My dad started chemo this month just before our trip to the beach. He said he felt a little tired and had some indigestion after the first one but was mostly ok. Until he went back to the Dr. and they told him his kidney's were failing. So, after 5 days in the hospital and lots of fluid, he was ok again. His second dose of chemo was a little worse, he didn't feel as good, upset stomach and then he fainted... twice. But once he took some Pepcid AC he was feeling better. His third dose of chemo is Thursday of this week. He's lost a little weight and is looking good, but I know the diet and diabetes is taking it's toll on him.
The trip to the beach was good. There was a little tension because my parents didn't make it the first few days due to the kidney's failing but once they got there things were better. My dad missed his friend Dick Baum and mentioned that he'd like to go like that. Makes me sad to think my dad is thinking so much of his own mortality. Ron's dad was a little over aggressive with Chase a few times and thankfully Ron's mother talked to him about that. But all in all, we had some great days on the beach, a few nice dinner's out, kids loved the rides at Trimpers and the Boardwalk and we brought home some new pets. Hermit crabs! Sparkle and Shelly are the new playthings in the house. They take train rides and play in the barbie house.
Sierra in 1st Grade. I know it's so cliche, but I really can't believe I have a 1st Grader who will be 7 in a few months. How did 7 years fly by? I want to go back to when she was little and make sure I did everything right and that she has everything she needs to prepare her for school and friends and activities. I feel like my impression on her is waning and she's becoming her own little person which is great, but I still want to help her grow into a successful and confident and kind little girl.
Chase is turning into my little man. Although he is still stubborn as can be and gives me a lot of trouble and can rile me up like no one else, he is sweet and I think he will turn out fine once we get past the stubbornness. :) Again, hard to believe he will be 5 years old soon. My baby is growing up and will learn to read this year. He's been out of camp/school for 2 weeks now and he's been insisting that he has school each day. Thank goodness he'll be excited for school on Friday.
And Ron and I... well, same old story there. Things are better in a relationship sense, working together to get things done, doing things as a family, etc, but the romance, passion, attraction just isn't there for him. I mostly think he married me because I wasn't demanding and pushy and he could basically live his life the way he wanted to without too much interference from me. He goes to football games, races, works out, sits in his office, etc and I don't say much about it. I just wonder why someone would marry out of convenience. I think he loves me in a friendly sense. In a comfortable, friendly way, he loves me. The last 10 years and the next 10 should be full of passion and love, proud moments, arguments, frustrations but ultimately happiness. But it seems like it's just the same old thing everyday. No passion, no attraction, no romance, (no sex). I feel a little like I'm running out of time to have passion in my life. Should I disrupt this convenient life to find it? Or do I live my life as it is and deal with the life I've made? I want more for my children. I want them to see passion in a relationship and marriage. I want them to find it for themselves one day. But if we don't have it then how will they know to look for it in their lives? Can I also mention that it really bothers me that he doesn't like getting family pictures. When I ask him to take them with us and once in a great while he says yes, he never smiles. He looks miserable. Is it too much to ask that we have a family memento that shows us happy? Or does he want our memories to look like he is miserable? And is that how he wants his kids to see him 50 years from now? I suppose he doesn't care.
Which is why I wonder why I care and continue to care and fight for this relationship.
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