The Daily Grind

It's been months. I guess I haven't found the time or haven't had the need to blog lately. But I need a place to keep track of my thoughts, good and bad. I need a place to keep track of the amazing things my kids do. Keep track of how we've evolved as a family. Looking at my last blog about bedtime, I know we're doing so much better. It's nice to know that we are moving forward. Sierra still takes a long time to go to bed with me but there's less arguing and fewer "distractions" these days. So... from here on out, I'm just going to talk about my day.

We went to Ron's company holiday dinner last night. He was in a bad mood most of the day and he wasn't looking forward to the dinner, so I ended up not looking forward to it. I had planned to wear a bridesmaid dress from my best friends wedding. I thought Ron was going to wear black slacks and a black blazer. When he got dressed in khaki's, I knew I had to change. I was annoyed, I was looking forward to being dressed up. Once we got to the dinner, I was on edge. Ron didn't hold my hand walking in, never put his arm around me or anything. So I ended up being a bitch most of the night, making snide remarks about people, our relationship, etc. Ron said "Chris S. is one of the reasons I asked you to marry me!" and I replied "Oh... you're the reason I'm miserable! Thanks!". Once I was around the girls, I ended up just complaining about Ron the whole time. By the time we left, I was so on edge, Ron was miserable and it was a bad night. We were home by 11:30pm and I just went to sleep. In the morning I was still miserable. Ron was in his office but I wanted to talk to him. I needed him to know that I was miserable and I think it's because I believe he is miserable with me. How can I be happy with someone who is miserable being with me, ya know? He just got defensive and said "it's all about you... " and "you should go see a doctor". I asked him if he wanted to be with me and he replied "I'm still here". Which makes me think he's only still here because he has nothing better to do. Why can't he say, "Of course I want to be with you. What can I do to make you happy?" After 45 minutes or so, he's just annoyed with me being upset and it all got turned around about how Ron is miserable. So... nothing was ever resolved, I finally perked up, we went to pick up the the kids.

Sierra and Chase both had a pretty bad night at the grandparents. They had fun, but Chase woke up at 1:30 and 2:30, then was awake at 6:15am. Sierra woke up and went into grandparents room at 3am to sleep on the floor but finally got in their bed. So by the time we picked them up, Sierra was so overtired and miserable. She cried horribly leaving. Chase had just gotten up from a 2.5 hour nap. We got home and Ron took care of the well water, salt, soda ash stuff while I took care of the kids. Then he wanted to watch football, so Sierra went upstairs to watch Dora Princess. I took Chase to Safeway and the balloon store to get stuff for Sierra's party. When I got home, Sierra was asleep on the chair in the family room. Chase went to bed for a bit and Ron was on his computer. He went between being on the computer, my laptop and watching football and the race all day. He played a little with the kids while watching tv. I was trying to fold laundry and clean up the house a bit.

Ron wanted Chinese for dinner so he looked at all the menu's, decided on what he wanted and I offered to call in the order. I asked who was picking it up, he said whoever, which means me. So I finished the load of laundry I was working on then went out and told him to make something for the kids to eat. I got home and he had fixed fishsticks but nothing else to go with them. So I got them some applesauce and pears. After dinner, I got a bath together for Sierra in our room, then took Chase into his bathroom for his bath. I asked ROn to come up and watch her. He sat on the bed with the computer and watched football while she was in the bath. I was annoyed because by the time I finished putting Chase to bed, Sierra had somehow spilled water out of the tub and there was water all over the floor. He cleaned out the toys, I got her out of the bath and I got her partially dressed so I could cut her hair. Ron went downstairs and I finally heard him cleaning up dishes. I was glad to know he was helping by cleaning things up.

Once I got Sierra to bed, it was 8:30pm and I cleaned out the old food from the fridge, washed out the tupperware, did some more laundry, then got on the computer. he went to upstairs around 10pm, was asleep by 10:30pm and it's now almost midnight while I write this.

It annoyed me that he didn't do much of anything all day. He got a nap while I was out with Chase. I got Sierra's cake, ordered ballooons, did 4 loads of laundry, cleaned up all the toys, cut Sierra's hair, cut Chase's nails and trimmed his hair.

The day started off horribly. I was really close to just saying that we shouldn't be together. I know that's not what I want, but I also don't want to live with someone who isn't happy being with me or our family.

I hope to keep track of how often I feel really bad like this.

I ate Eggs Benedict, a few chocolate pretzels, general tso's chicken, sugar wafers and peanut butter and chocolate ice cream.

Guess that's it for today. Hopefully every night won't be this long!!!